“The Elvira Show” Pilot

Happy birthday, Elvira!

Well, to be more precise…happy birthday, Cassandra Peterson—the multi-hyphenate talent behind the jokes, jams, and jiggle of Elvira. The hostess with the mostess seems poised for another cultural conquest (though she’s basically been a pop icon mainstay since the character’s debut in 1981 on Elvira’s Movie Macabre) as it was just announced that Shudder is streaming Elvira’s 40th Anniversary, Very Scary, Very Special Special next Saturday, September 25. It’ll be fun to see the deathly doll’s diabolical decolletage dishing disses on various films (including, reportedly, her own ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK).

And I’m taking this moment to remind everyone of my proposed idea that we all learn Elvira’s “Monster Rap” and make videos of us performing/lip-synching it, and edit them all together into one great tribute to the real spirit of Halloween. Hell—Elvira herself actually supports this plan! C’mon people—we can make this world better together. Or at least boobier.

While it’s sad that John Paragon, one of her main collaborators, died this past summer, his influence on Elvira remains and can be seen in that 1988 film, the 2001 ELVIRA’S HAUNTED HILLS, and many other appearances of everyone’s favorite snarky Satanic sexpot.

That extends to his work on 1993’s The Elvira Show. It was going to be a sitcom on CBS that was basically all set to launch before a weird personnel issue involving sickness and the head of CBS Sports mucking the whole thing up. The half hour comedy was written and created with Petersen, Paragon, and Anne Beatts. It starred Elvira as herself (naturally), the eternally awesome Katherine Helmond (Who’s The Boss?, BRAZIL, Soap, and OVERBOARD) as Aunt Minerva, and Phoebe Augustine as the young girl who comes to live with her two aunts that happen to secretly be real witches…who own a talking cat named Reinfeld (voiced by Paragon). And if that pitch sounds familiar, then you’ve seen Sabrina The Teenage Witch sitcom that started in 1996. Poor form, Melissa Joan Hart.

While The Elvira Show wasn’t picked up, the pilot exists on the internets and is a terrific tincture of terrifying titillation for those, like me, who can never get enough of Cassandra Peterson or her arch alter-ego. Also, why did Helmond and Peterson both stop aging in 1981? …maybe they really are witches.