The Incredible Hulk, #378

This post covers The Incredible Hulk, issue 378, “Rhino Plastered”. Published in February 1991 by Marvel Comics. Written by Peter David, pencils by Bill Jaaska, inked by Jeff Albrecht, letters by Joe Rosen, color by Glynis Oliver, and edited by Bobbie Chase.

I assume Joe Fixit will be a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe at some point. It’ll allow Mark Ruffalo to not have to keep playing Banner/Hulk, while continuing the MCU traditional of snarky heroes.

But who, you may be asking, is Joe Fixit? You see that bumpy gray guy with the hair that looks like a toupee? That’s Joe Fixit, a personality of Bruce Banner/version of the Hulk that took over for a while in the comics. Basically he wasn’t as strong as the traditional “green skin, purple pants” gamma irradiated Avenger that we all know and love, but he had a personality and was able to speak—again, usually in sarcastic quips and jocular threats. He also got laid a lot. It’s…let’s never speak of that again.

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?

Okay, so this story is really simple and straightforward, with some strong jokes and fun fighting. BUT, like all things superhero comics, there’s a lot of asterisks involved in explaining the set up. First thing to note is that “Rhino Plastered” is actually a tale told in flashback by permanent-second banana-to-just-about-everybody-until-he-was-seemingly-dropped-from-the-comics-like-a-bad-habit Rick Jones. Seeing two kids fighting in the hospital, Jones relates this tale from back in the day when he was palling around with Banner and an agent of SHIELD in a van across the nation. Honestly, there really is no moral to the story and it doesn’t apply to the kids’ situation at all, but I think that’s the joke on behalf of Peter David, that Jones is a namedropper who’s not great at reading the room.

So why was Rick Jones in the hospital? Remember in ENDGAME, five years later, and there’s Professor Hulk? The issue before, #377, is where that character debuted. A merger of Joe Fixit, Mean Green, and Banner. Attitude, cunning, brute strength, invulnerability, and supergenius level intellect, this would be the new Hulk for a while. Until it was revealed that it was just another facet of Banner’s personality to take on the Hulk mantle, and in fact all of the Hulks are basically different aspects of Banner in gamma-irradiated rage monster form.

That doesn’t truly matter, but if you’re wondering why Jones is in a hospital, why a February 1991 issue of The Incredible Hulk was flashing back to the Joe Fixit days, or who Joe Fixit was…then you’re probably a nerd and have a lot of excellent and fun reading to do. Now let’s dive into the time the Gray Hulk beat the piss out of a manic depressive supervillain in a mall at Christmastime.

Marvel comics, at least back when they still had words on their covers before transitioning into more arty fair, was known for lots of humbug and ballyhoo—promising stuff that never appears in the actual book or making it all seem much more important than it all is.

But, it should be noted, the Rhino actually was one of the most requested villains to return and fight the Hulk. Not exactly sure why; I guess because of the color scheme and similar attitudes and one-liners between Fixit and Rhino? Oh, it should be noted, that this is the O.G. Rhino and not the animal mutate in other series or Paul Giamatti’s shitty mecha from AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2. That means he’s basically a badass who is encased in a form of flexible concrete that makes him a very tough customer, but also makes it impossible for him to ever remove the suit.

It’s interesting how many villains especially have an issue where they must keep on some outer wear and that helps drive them to violently attack the world. Quasimodo, Dr. Doom, Abomination, Molten Man, and more.

Almost like when people are unable to express their true selves they turn cold and angry at the world that refuses to accept them. But hey, we wouldn’t want to politicize comics, right? #SJWCucksRuinedCaptainAmerica

So we find our mortar-encrusted menace at a particular low point, alone and depressed and homeless and sick of the same old supervillain life.

It’s truly a sad low point that is rarely seen in comics. Or if it is used, it’s either played as a joke or as the beginning of some dark and twisted storyline where the villain now has nothing to lose and decides to start killing off various B-side characters.

But that’s Peter David for you. Few writers in the history of comic books could expertly balance humor with pathos to create a real sense of character with actual stakes that engage the reader. Jaaska assists this story with a style that is equal parts Jack Kirby throwback (that mirror image of Rhino looks like Ben Grimm from the early days of Fantastic Four) and a bit of manga influence with the wide elliptical mouth of a heavyset person.

And so the tough guy finds himself at a new nadir at Christmas. When I first read this, back when I was nine, I thought it was going to become some sort of IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE tale where Rhino sees what the world is like without him and it turns out it’s a chaotic place where Hulks fight Santas.

Oh how wrong I was.

Rhino sets out to panhandle for some loose change, which is a far cry from his days as a member of the Superior Foes of Spider-Man or even being the muscle for various impressive, if quickly forgotten, crime bosses. When that doesn’t work out, because people are scarred of a large man encased in concrete with a very pointy horn and odd wrestling bracelets, he hatches a plan to hide in plain sight disguised as a charity Santa on the street. Of course his aggression gets the better of him and he hassles folks when they don’t donate (including Rick Jones, the SHIELD agent, and a particularly nerdy looking Bruce Banner). But his luck changes for the better (kinda?) when the mall’s manager recruits Rhino to fill in for their missing Santa. Of course…things don’t go according to plan.

The discussion about night falling is because during this period of The Incredible Hulk, Banner would turn into Joe Fixit when the sun set. This is actually a callback to some of the earlier Hulk stories where that was what triggered the transformation between Bruce and the jolly green wrecking machine.

One thing that tends to be universally true is that comic book writers (that were always fans of the medium) either want to reject everything that came before their arcs or they want to return to how the character/title was when they were growing up and when they first fell in love with them. This is how they initially met these figures they love, so they want to return them to it in some way.

Old school Hulk transformed at nightfall but also spoke more than just monosyllabic yawps. Peter David took those aspects but tweaked them into his own style with Joe Fixit, able to create a synthesis of the familiar and the new. One aspect of the new? Toilet humor when Banner turns into the Hulk in a bathroom stall and hucks some TP at a poor bystander.

The gray behemoth then makes his way towards the Rhino, who is now irate and causing a scene. It’s weird that Jones tells kids about Rhino’s manic-depression, especially since it seems unconfirmed (and not really used in other series too much). But this is also right after a couple of issues of mental escapades and intense psychotherapy to help bring Banner back and settle his identity issues with the Hulk.

Clearly mental health was on Peter David’s mind and that’s the lens through which he saw the rage monster, and therefore the rest of the characters in his orbit. Again, that helps to create a theme and make these ridiculous figures like a concrete creep or a supercar anti-hero (don’t ask) actually have some form of depth and resonance. Anyways, time for fightin’.

Peter David both loves is quips and excels a them as well, so that may have also been a motivating factor in creating the Joe Fixit persona. Rather than rely on the milquetoast supporting cast (though, to be fair, they did get fleshed out more during his run), David lets the Hulk have his own moments of humor. Also Hulk in Santa gear saying “Ho Ho Ho”? Pretty damn adorable.

The fighting goes throughout the mall with some fun bits, like the purveyor of a cookie stand try to de-escalate the situation with her baked goods, and pretty weak ones too, like Hulk throwing bowling balls at Rhino while making testicle jokes. It can’t all be gold people! But what brings the whole fracas to its amicable conclusion is the appearance of Ginny, a little girl who is confused about why Santa is beating up on the Hulk.

While it’s a very “Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day” moment, I feel like it wouldn’t have been hard for Santa to point out that it’s a giant gray monster and he’s trying to protect the kids. But hey, maybe the Rhino just needs improv classes and that stuff isn’t taught until Level 3 anyways. Also the name Ginny is short for Virginia, which is allusion to MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET’s infamous line, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” Rick Jones makes this subtle bit explicit when he directly quotes it a few panels later.

And of course we get that disturbing panel where Joe Fixit is probably going to split the horny mallrat in half like cheap lumber later that night. Don’t get mad at me for pointing that out! It’s simple physics and biology.

Rick Jones wraps up his tale and the kids hated it and hated him. They kick him in the shin—which is the loosest of ties between the last issue and this one where he showed up in issue 377 limping. Then the next issue it’s about the biggest Hulk ever going to get a drink and being recruited by an ancient god-like group of warriors. Typical Hulk shit.

If you haven’t read David’s run on The Incredible Hulk, I strongly recommend it. It was a 12-year span of storytelling, beginning with issue 331. You can find them on Comixology and the Marvel Unlimited comics app, but also in various volumes of softcover Epic Collections that Marvel puts out. Maybe it’s because I read them when I was eight through when I was 11, but it was really interesting stuff that combined psychology with superheroics with space opera (this was also near the time of Infinity Gauntlet event) and mythology and much more.

There’s a whole group of talented artists that come in through different arcs and Professor Hulk remains my favorite iteration of the character. Also there’s lots of distracting but fun pop culture references that haven’t aged great but are still recognizable (like Bart Simpson t-shirts, or killing a fake Doomsday, or various musical numbers).

Happy Holidays, Hulk! And Rhino — I’m sorry you couldn’t get some disturbing trim like your fellow gray brutish adversary.