NOTHING BUT TROUBLE (1991)
For every move there is a counter. Each attack has a defense. Within the confines of this digital dojo we defend underloved works of art. It has been said that all art will eventually find its audience. We are that audience. Bow to your media. Bow to your device. Choose your fighter.
Crack open that crystal-clear polystyrene case and pop that polycarbonate plastic circle into the compact disc player of your black 1984 BMW 733i (not standard) and press play because all around the world they play the same song but this beat bounces up and down hanging ‘round with the Underground! The rhythm and rhyme make it most evident that this movie marches to its own freaky-deaky J-A-Z-Z-Y style so you know we’re talking about NOTHING BUT TROUBLE (1991).
IMDb: 5.2 out of 10
Rotten Tomatoes: 15% Tomatometer / 48% Popcornmeter out of 100%
Metacritic: 13 / 100 Metascore, 5.1 / 10 User Score
Letterboxd: 2.6 out of 5
As the opening lyrics of Ray Charles’s rendition of “The Good Life” implies, there’s a bittersweet dynamic between life and love as the camera lingers over the lights and liveliness of an idyllic view of New York City acting as the prophetically perfect musical accompaniment to mirror writer, director, producer, and actor Daniel Edward Aykroyd’s relationship with his 1991 film NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. What started very much as a labor of love became ahem nothing but trouble for our beloved Blues-Buster’s directorial debut (and to date solitary endeavor) earning the film bountiful bad reviews, bleak box office returns, and a bevy of Golden Raspberry awards and nominations. Well, to those naysayers I say “PUT OUT THAT DOG ROCKET” because “you people are sick, wicked, funky, misanthropic, co-dependent animals!”
Sorry! Apologies if I sound all hopped-up but I truly delight in this extremely draculated, frightful funhouse of a film! Now I don’t claim to be licensed legal counsel with the firm of Masur & Glennet, well versed in the tenets of the old shire charter, but I do believe this writ will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused crimes levied against this motion picture were a rush to judgement and when you carefully analyze the script, set-pieces, and performances I’m sure any shrewd member of the moviegoing public is gonna be more than satisfied with their viewing experience heretofore.
Exhibit A: the script. Crafted with the working title of VALKENVANIA by Dan Aykroyd and his brother Peter (who also plays a small role of Mike the doorman) and allegedly based on a real life legal altercation between Dan Aykroyd and some small-town law in the northeast wherein a speeding violation led to an awkward midnight trial with the local justice of the peace. The Aykroyds conceived of a similar incident to act as a catalyst for a comedic monster movie akin to ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN (1948) but highly influenced by THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974) and BEETLEJUICE (1988). Ultimately, we get a madcap marathon through a marred mansion made by monstrous magistrates amongst some of the most memorable merry-go-round moviemakers of the moment making magnanimous mischief and mummery! If that sounds remotely enticing, then you might be… a Valkenvanian.
As appealing as the concept is, the project did suffer from some of Dan Aykroyd’s previous writing peccadillos of being overly long, needlessly complicated, and wrought with technical jargon and concepts deemed too dense for laity. Despite all this, Warner Bros. was still interested in optioning the script given Aykroyd’s previous screenwriting successes with THE BLUES BROTHERS (1980), GHOSTBUSTERS (1984), SPIES LIKE US (1985), DRAGNET (1987), and GHOSTBUSTERS II (1989). When Dan’s pleas to John Landis, John Hughes, and Ivan Reitman to direct went unheeded, he called in a few favors to attach comedic compatriots and certain cinematic commercial commodities Chevy Chase (who had a long history with Aykroyd from Second City to Saturday Night Live) and John Candy (who somewhat regretted not joining Aykroyd on GHOSTBUSTERS for the Louis Tully role) to the project thus securing the greenlight with him debuting in the director’s chair.
Exhibit B: the set-pieces. While tentative about writing, acting, AND directing all in one film, Aykroyd encouraged the crew to run wild with his grotesque vision of Valkenvania equipped with David B. Miller’s makeup team best known for THE TERMINATOR (1984) and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984), production designer William Sandell of ROBOCOP (1987) and TOTAL RECALL (1990) fame, and Dean Cundey as director of photography from ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981) and Tales From The Crypt (1988). Quite the pedigree for crafting and capturing deformed creatures and dystopian landscapes on celluloid. Aesthetic choices that critics at the time decried for being unpleasant were intentionally crafted to be that way. These maniacs arranged mountains of dusty vintage appliances and car parts alongside a corporal punishment rollercoaster dubbed “Mister Bonestripper” controlled by a certifiable cock-nosed constitutional centenarian commanding a condiment chucking choo-choo!
Exhibit C: the performances. While quite campy you can’t claim the talent is not committed, Everyone (with the exception of Chevy Chase, but that’s kind of his thing) is doing their damnedest to make this anti-capitalist-proto-escape-room-industrial-folk-art-haunted-house-flick come to life resulting in a truly unique cinematic viewing experience. Demi Moore as our vivacious voice of reason. Chevy Chase as the cross and quippy cussing in court cynical capitalist. Both Aykroyd and Candy delivering dual discordant characters is a feat unto itself. When Candy first appeared in full drag as Eldona amidst catcalls and wolf whistles from the crew he hilariously quipped "Boy, the things I'll do for a million bucks!" With Aykroyd having to play two roles in heavy makeup and prosthetics as both Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser and Bobo, he often directed in full costume.
After a summer of staying largely hands off, Warner Bros. (previously distracted by what would be an even bigger box office bust in BONFIRES OF THE VANITIES (1990)) stepped in and chastised Aykroyd for going over budget. Aykroyd recalls being told to “stop the bleeding” and that "You're not our big picture. You're our little picture. This can't go on!" Combined with poorly received test screenings, a demand for drastic re-edits, retitling the now largely defanged VALKENVANIA to NOTHING BUT TROUBLE (taken from a seemingly throwaway line and a Laurel & Hardy 1944 comedy of the same name), and multiple subsequent delays in release no doubt contributed to Aykroyd having to be hospitalized for stress and almost missing out on playing the role of Harry Sultenfuss in the critical and commercial success, MY GIRL (1991). Now in true Perry Mason fashion I’ll reveal the party truly culpable for the paradoxical pacing and peculiarities in tone—points dramatically—studio executives! J'accuse!
While I’d run through a wall leaving a Looney Tunes-like Chevy Chase shaped hole to get my eyes on a director's cut or workprint of a graphic, darker, and more violent version of VALKENVANIA, I’m still pleased as Hawaiian Punch® with the zany and inventive batch of hot-pistol, lily-water city chickens running through Grandpa Alvin's trick house we received I just wish the lackluster public reception didn’t derail Dan Aykroyd’s potential directing career. In many ways NOTHING BUT TROUBLE is a lot like a hot dog. Maybe not the meat you were expecting and crafted kinda chaotically but now that you know the tale trailing this tangy Thüringer, give that Dutch Country Hereford a taste!
A story I find infinitely charming is just prior to the release, the crew (minus Aykrord and the core cast) were treated to a special screening of the final cut of NOTHING BUT TROUBLE and reportedly howled with laughter, bursting at the seams like Brazillionaires, and watched in awe at seeing the bizarre and gut-busting world they created come to life on the silver screen and if that ain’t a taste of the good life I don’t know what is. So esteemed members of the jury of public opinion, I beseech you, until there’s a law against having a sense of humor and in light of this film’s contribution to the common good, I implore you to waive all fines, suspend all sentences, and find NOTHING BUT TROUBLE not guilty! Goodnight, Irene!
