BATMAN CONTINUES Soundtrack
My Mixtape’s A Masterpiece is a weekly feature in which a guest compiles a playlist around some theme. This week, Vito Nusret assembles 12 songs for a soundtrack to a hypothetical third Tim Burton-made Batman film (produced in the ‘90s). Read Vito’s thoughts on each song and listen along to the Spotify playlist on top and/or the YouTube playlist at the bottom of the post.
Tim Burton’s BATMAN (1989) was a creative and commercial colossus—garnering a global box office ten times its $40 million dollar budget and proving comic book adaptations to be viable cinematic properties for a new generation. Naturally, Burton was tapped for a sequel and three years later the rabid moviegoing public got BATMAN RETURNS (1992). Alas, with this sequel Tim Burton had angered our violent and vengeful gods of cinema. You may know them by the name… McDonald’s. Yeah, so the “billions served” burger joint didn’t bite on Burton’s brooding and bloody gothic character driven Christmas fairytale and pressured Warner Bros. to try and nudge our man Tim off of a potential third film in the franchise in favor of a campier and child/cheeseburger-friendlier vision of the Caped Crusader courtesy of fashionista Joel Schumacher’s BATMAN FOREVER (1995).
Now I’m not here to shit talk BMF because I do enjoy that film (despite the name sounding like something Bruce Wayne would write in The Joker’s yearbook and directly because the nipples on the Batsuit arguably appeal to an unplanned demographic of leather daddies). Specifically, I adore that absolute banger soundtrack we got with that mighty Megachiroptera major motion picture but for the last thirty odd years I often found myself contemplating in times of quiet…what if? What if Tim Burton’s vision for a third Batman film had come to fruition?
Well, if comics, novelizations, and content creators (shudders) can tackle the topic, surely, I can transcribe this type of tale with tunes too! Maybe we can use more original tracks since we only got four Prince pop opuses for the first and a solitary Siouxsie And The Banshees serenade secured for the sequel. Don’t worry, Danny Elfman, we’re still gonna have you all up in our ear holes too but what if we took the pop music aspirations of BATMAN FOREVER and Burton-ized it (patent pending) with scene descriptions crafted through cogitation and conjecture? Call it a hy-bat-thetical (patent pending). So, I ventured to rub another man’s creative rhubarb, Detective Comic’d down a bunch of rumors, pursued some alleged leaked scripts, and put together a fanfiction form of BATMAN CONTINUES (an alleged preproduction working title) corresponding with songs I think would fit a mid-‘90s Tim Burton Batman aesthetic!
[DISCLAIMER: This is my own fabrication cobbled together from googled gossip and does not have the permission, endorsement, or collaboration of any of the auteurs, actors, artists, musicians, or intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros., DC Comics mentioned herein.]
“The Batman Theme” by Danny Elfman
Alfred Pennyworth (played by Michael Gough) turns the jet black Wayne family Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith down the snowswept streets of Gotham with Bruce Wayne (played by Michael Keaton) in the backseat. Alfred keeps glancing at Bruce in the rearview mirror as young master Wayne seems fixated on the dark and dangerous streets of his beloved megalopolis. So many lives lost. Too many he just couldn’t save.
A familiar feline shadow darts through the dingy alley. “Alfred, stop the car!” The Rolls screeches to a halt as Bruce dashes after his aberrant adumbration. He browses the blustered back street only to find it barren with the exception of a meowing black cat that nuzzles his legs. Bruce scans the snowy alley once more before cradling the kitten and returning to Alfred in the car. In the backseat Bruce clutches the newfound passenger to his chest. The black alleycat shivers against the dualistic billionaire playboy’s black wool trenchcoat.
“Well come what may,” Alfred cuts the stoney silence reassuringly as he drives on. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne.”
“Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men” Bruce pauses contemplatively to look into the enigmatic green eyes of the feline, “...and women.” As the Rolls-Royce makes its way back to Wayne Manor it passes the bombed out remains of Shreck's Department Store. A single television’s static flickers amongst stacks of burned and broken screens. Z-ZWAP!
On the tube, a scratchy old monster movie plays where the tragic creature, features askew, is delivering an impassioned soliloquy via a velvety bass-baritone until a bulletin from Action News interrupts. Newscasters discuss the fallout after Penguin’s attack on Max Shreck’s Christmas Maxquerade Ball with footage of paramedics carting off a very badly burned District Attorney Harvey Dent (played by Billy Dee Williams). The newscaster asks acclaimed criminal psychologist Dr. Chase Meridian (played by Rene Russo) to comment on the dramatic rise and fall of Oswald Cobblepot and if there might be a correlation between these bombastic new criminal threats and the Batman, who is now conspicuous by his absence from the streets of Gotham.
“Stutter” by Elastica
The static of the television fades into the point of view of Batman's binoculars. It’s about eight years earlier and he’s not in the black rubber Batsuit we’d recognize. This one is red with minimal armor, a simpler logo on the chest, smaller black cape, and a black mask and hood rather than the full black rubber cowl. From a nondescript Wayne Enterprises shipping truck, he’s monitoring the press photographing Harvey Dent with his young son Robert after taking second place in a father-son basketball tournament for charity. Harvey is all smiles for the camera but you can tell Robert is disappointed and perhaps a bit embarrassed. Harvey flings his arm around Robert’s shoulders and calls jokingly at the reports “I’ve got the headline for you: ‘new assistant district attorney ready to deliver a full-court press on crime!’”
“Now, sir?” Alfred chirps in Bruce’s earpiece.
Bruce keeps scanning the scene. “Not yet.”
Ace reporter for the Gotham Globe Alexander Knox (played by Robert Wuhl) quips “How about ‘Dent chokes for charity?’ Harvey bristles for a beat, almost imperceptively, but responds with a hearty chuckle so the crowd of reporters join him. Suddenly tires screech from down the street. It’s a black sedan with windows brandishing the barrels of machine guns.
“Now, Alfred!” a whir and click emits from an unopening mechanical door as Batman kickstarts a souped-up motorcycle. “Damnit.” Batman whips a Batarang against the door, blowing the hatch open, and revs the engine to burst through the back of the now blown out box truck.
“Master Bruce!” Alfred chimes in via earpiece. “I believe that was your only exploding Batarang.”
The Caped Crusader grits his teeth and grips the handlebars. “I know!” He accelerates to top speed before jerking the stem to the right and rolling off the vehicle, skidding the motorcycle under the driver’s side wheel of the black sedan causing it to veer into a nearby telephone pool. CRASH! Batman writhes on the blacktop. “Alfred, make a note to update the body armor for the suit.” Groans and rubs his neck, “Particularly neck support. And no more Batcycles.” The Dark Knight staggers to his feet, collects himself, and then trots to the black sedan, slugging the remaining conscious would-be assassin and knocking him out cold. POWIE! Batman notes the assailants to be members of Salvatore Maroni’s crime family.
“Watch him.” Harvey shoves his son Robert to Knox and runs towards the wrecked car.
“Hey, watch him.” Knox shoves Robert to another reporter and tries to follow Harvey while frantically taking pictures. The other reporters make no effort or pretense at the safety of the child and blindly follow Knox leaving Robert by himself. He stares blankly at the scene in shock and then picks up a discarded basketball. He bounces it a few times and begins to slowly approach the hoop.
“Sure Shot” by The Beastie Boys
Fast forward to the present day. Rob Dent (played by Marlon Wayans) is a high school senior at the free throw line dribbling the ball. Effortlessly, he swishes both shots to the cheers of the crowd. SWOOSH! Rob proceeds to dominate the game. During one of Rob’s field goals from downtown the basketball dissolves into a flipping coin and we cut to a shadowy figure catching said silver and gunning down a gaggle of trenchcoated mobsters in a warehouse.
Back on the court Rob pulls a spin move just as in the warehouse the shadowy figure pivots around a stack of wooden shipping crates to unload his tommy gun on another congregation of goons. Rob’s turnaround jump shot is released at the buzzer just as the shadowy shooter leaps out a window amidst a hail of gunfire and police sirens.
Classmates cluster around Rob to congratulate him on leading the Shreck Tech College Prep Hellcats to victory. Rob wipes his sweat with the hem of his red and black jersey. The mascot is the Shreck cat logo with devil horns instead of ears. Rob notices a short woman clad in black frantically making her way through the crowd towards him.
“Robert!” Gilda Dent (played by Alfre Woodard) “It’s your father!”
“Love…Thy Will Be Done” by Martika
Gilda puts her hand up to glass as what appears to be her husband Harvey Dent rants and raves in a padded room of Arkham Asylum. Dr. Chase Meridian puts her hand on Gilda’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Chase whispers. “We moved him here after his hospital room was attacked.”
“No, Dr. Meridian,” Gilda turns to face Chase with tear streaked down cheeks. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry you went through all this trouble because that is not my husband.”
Chase looks baffled and then carefully at the patient. Burned, bandaged, and very much the visage of Harvey Dent as Gilda coldly leaves the room. The discouraged doctor follows Gilda in the corridor; to see her embraced by Rob along with Commissioner Gordon (played by Pat Hingle) and Bruce Wayne as she relays her suspicions.
“But how could that be? I’ve known Harvey for years and that is Harvey Dent!” Commissioner Gordon queries incredulously but the wheels are turning in the astute detecting mind of Bruce Wayne.
“Loverman” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
We pan from conversation in the corridor, to the previous padded room to find it now empty. Our perspective continues to the roof of Arkham Asylum. From there we see the giant Victorian structure as the labyrinthine jewel in the crown that is Gotham Hills pointed by plentiful primordial oak. We see a shadowy figure flipping a coin while another seems to materialize from the muck moving out of the masonry. GLIPP! The living liquid resumes the appearance of a bandaged Harvey Dent.
The man in shadow steps into the light, revealing himself to be the real Harvey Dent, ravaged by horrible scars from the explosion at the aforementioned masquerade ball. “No need for masks now, partner.” Dent points to the ramparts flanking their position. “No cameras up here.”
The imposter Dent shapeshifts to affirm his true identity to be Basil Karlo (played by Christopher Lee), the actor from the monster movie seen on the screen of Shreck’s department store. “It would seem our farce couldn’t fool your, ahem, better half.”
Harvey stiffens at Basil’s choice of words and displays the full horrific countenance of his disfigured face, “It’s not about fooling anyone—it’s about establishing an airtight alibi. And after tomorrow night, it won’t matter. Here.”
Dent hands Basil two plastic cosmetic jars with thick green “J”s drawn on them. “That’s all? This will barely get me through the next day or so!”
“Patience, Karlo. After tomorrow you’ll be the one out and about and we can see about getting my friends in Gotham PD to find you some more of Joker’s contaminated Smylex from the evidence locker, but first we finish what I’ve started.”
“Give It Up” by Public Enemy
A long white Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham drives past Simon The Pieman’s Pizzeria and Italian Eatery and pulls into the adjacent alley. Two huge men exit the vehicle first followed by mafia don Salvatore Maroni (played by Robert Davi). One of his bodyguards holds open the door to the kitchen and they make their way inside. The trio traverse the restaurant getting the respect and adoration of everyone they encounter as they make their way to an ornately decorated banquet hall filled with carts of meticulously prepared antipasti, primi, secondi, contorni, and dolci dishes to serve the multitude of menacing mobsters. Sal Maroni enters the banquet hall with his two bodyguards to uproarious applause.
“I miei ragazzi,” Maroni struts to the center of the hall flanked by his two gargantuan goons. “Recently, you’ve been running scared from some scarred up psycho. Before that, you were turning tail from l'uomo pipistrello but all that ends tonight.” Multiple gunshots emit from the restaurant. The banquet doors are kicked open to reveal Harvey Dent in suicide-vest rigged with explosives. Machine gun in one hand, hair-trigger detonator in the other.
“Damn,” Dent kicks the cart chocked full cannolis towards Maroni. One of Sal’s bodyguards stops the dessert dray with his mammoth mitts as Harvey proceeds. “I do hate to admit it, but you’re right again, Saly.”
“Harvey!” Batman crashes through the skylight raining glass down on the banquet hall. Mid-fall, he flings a Batarang at Dent, knocking the detonator from his hand, and landing with a crash onto the cannoli cart with his long cape draped over it.
Dent glares at Batman, sneers from the scarred side of his face, reveals a red button on the handle of his machine gun and presses it. “Works every time…” The cannoli cart under Batman’s feet explodes. BOOM!
“Pretend We’re Dead” by L7
The flashing lights of the fire engines illuminate the smoldering rubble that once was a packed pizzeria. On the perimeter of the firefighting effort Commissioner Gordon is fixated on the action but appears to be having a conversation with himself. “We haven’t found Harvey or Maroni’s bodies yet but there’s no way they could be-”
Battered, burned, but still alive. Batman interrupts. “I’m still standing. They could be too. Keep looking until you’re sure.”
Gordon glances confoundedly at the Caped Crusader and then the charred remains of a brick and concrete building. “But how?” Bruce fires his Bat Hook into the distance and swings away as the commissioner calls after him. “We thought you were dead!”
Back at Arkham Asylum the last vestiges of Maroni family foot soldiers march on the padded cell containing Basil Karlo posing as Harvey Dent. Upon opening the door the goons barrage Basil with a bounty of bullets. RATATATATATAT! Collapsing to the cell floor we see Basil’s hand in a jar of Symtex.
Meanwhile, at a plush highrise penthouse apartment there’s a knock on door numbered PH2. Rob Dent opens the door to receive a blow to the temple from the butt of a tommy gun. BONK!
“Bruised Violet” by Babes In Toyland
Rob’s eyes flutter open as he awakes to find Batman and Maroni’s remaining huge henchman duking it out in the Dent family penthouse destroying every stick of furniture in the flat. Realizing he’s bound to a chair next to his mother and Dr. Chase Meridian, Rob looks up to see Sal Maroni derisively jeer with a gun oscillating between the trio of detainees and Batman.
Batman and Maroni’s massive goon are trading blows five to one. Five from Batman barely register while each one from the bodyguard knocks Bruce prone. After several of these lopsided exchanges Batman finds himself backed in the corner of the kitchen with the hefty hatchetman bearing down on him until he notices a ceiling mounted pot rack hanging heavily over the island. Batman fires his Bat Hook to latch on to the metal organizational apparatus and yanks with all his might sending a plethora of pots and pans to crash into the back of the head of the supersized subordinate. KLUNK!
With his remaining right-hand man rendered rigid, Maroni takes aim at Batman. Just as the merciless mob boss lets the bullets fly, he’s grappled from behind by Harvey Dent, missing Batman and sending slugs into the Dent family portrait. Dent's scarred half looks even more burned and diabolical, very much a Two-Face. Rob sticks his foot into the fray causing both men to tumble to the floor.
Batman frees Rob, Gilda, Dr. Chase and joins the fight between Harvey and Maroni backing the mobster to a nearby window when without warning Basil Karlo crashes through the casement in a more mutated monstrous form, Clayface. Using his shapeshifting powers Karlo fashions his right arm into a sharp point to impale Maroni and stretches his left arm around Gilda Dent.
“Now that I’ve ‘finished what you started,’ it's time to pay the piper, Dent. Until you get the Smylex, Gilda stays with me.” Karlo retreats out into the darkness and Batman swings after him on his Bat Hook. CRRAACK!
“N.W.O.” by Ministry
Two-Face pushes past Rob and Dr. Meridian to the window to see Batman chase Clayface to the roof. Doubling back, Two-Face grabs Maroni’s tommy gun, runs to the fire escape and yells “Watch him!” back at Dr. Chase. Rob balls his fist as his frightful father follows after Gilda. Up on the roof we get a full panoramic view of Gotham. Towering Art Deco superstructures stretching skyward alongside stupendous socialist realism sculptures of titans. Lightning flashes as thunder rumbles in the distance.
Batman swings into Clayface only to smash right through the muddy monster and tumble down to the rooftop. He then rolls to his feet and throws a flurry of punches and kicks which the creature dodges with ease while Gilda struggles in vain against his clutches. Clayface laughs maniacally along with the latest crack of thunder as the sky opens up a torrential downpour of rain.
Two-Face kicks open the door and fires at Clayface. Bullets sink into his muddy flesh with a thunk and the muck monster morphs a limb into a whip to slap the firearm out of Dent’s hands. Clayface proceeds to slam Gilda Dent to the sodden concrete in order to have both limbs free to fight. Batman attempts to sweep Clayface’s tree-like leg to redirect his attacks but only succeeds in getting his foot stuck in the creature. Clayface turns his hand into an anvil and drops it heavily on Batman’s knee, fracturing it.
Through the searing pain Batman notices the consistency of the creature’s skin change from the deluge. Gilda staggers to her feet behind Clayface just as Two-Face is able to scramble for his tommy gun. Batman yells for Harvey to stop but is met with a mouthful of muck from Clayface attempting to suffocate the Caped Crusader. With his other arm Clayface fashions a spiked mace and plunges it into the shoulder of Two-Face. Harvey is still able to open fire on the monster but the bullets don't stick as before. The water from the rain seems to have affected Clayface’s mass so the bullets pass through the creature, right into Gilda behind him.
“No!” Rob screams at the doorway to the roof and watches in horror as his mother is shot and his father is skewered. With one hand Batman is clawing at the sludge suffocating him and the other he frantically pulls an exploding Batarang from his utility belt and whips it up at his atrocious assailant. Clayface grabs the projectile and yowls in pain as it explodes, sending a third of the muck monster flying everywhere. Batman tries for a second exploding Batarang but lack of oxygen causes him to drop the bat-shaped bomb clanging to the concrete rooftop. Just when the lights are dimming for our distressed Dark Knight, the Batarang finds itself in the hands of Rob who flings it with all his might into the gaping maw of the murderous monstrosity! BAAROOM!
“High” by The Cure
We see flashes of the aftermath of the fight with Clayface and Two-Face from Batman’s perspective accompanied by a high pitch ring from the explosion. Rob runs to his prone mother. Behind him Two-Face staggers to his feet, sees what his vengeance has wrought upon his family, turns, and teeters away teary-eyed. Rob finally comes to Batman who can only whisper “Alfred…” and we fade to black.
Later we see Bruce Wayne, heavily bandaged in the Bat Cave and seated at the Batcomputer. Isis, the black kitten from the alley who’s now a full grown cat, jumps into Bruce’s lap causing him to wince but he pets her dutifully. “Have you found him yet?” Rob Dent steps behind Bruce holding a newspaper with the headline reading “Batman Lives? First Dark Knight Sighting In Months.”
Bruce hits print. “CCTV, testimony, and tips. This is everything I’ve got. Are you sure about this, Robert? He’s still your father but he’s… dangerous.”
“It’s something I have to do, Bruce. And it’s just ‘Rob’ now.” Rob scoffs, “Who would have thought the Batman would be a cat guy?”
Bruce nods, solemnly. “No ‘the.’ It's just Batman. At least let us help.” Bruce gets up with crutches. The pair make their way to Wayne Manor’s garage where Alfred is waiting with a metal attaché case. Bruce gestures to the fleet of vehicles with a crutch. “Your pick.”
Rob enthusiastically approaches a vibrant red motorcycle and whistles. Bruce nods to Alfred. “Fables tell of the robin’s red breast coming from witnessing the immense suffering of man.” Alfred hands Rob the case. Rob pops it open to see Batman’s red Batsuit. “I’d say you’ve earned yours.”
“Mama, Look A Boo Boo” by Harry Belafonte
The cool cyan color gradient of the gothic cityscape gives way to the yellow expanse of amber waves of grain. Far from the Emerald City, this feels more akin to Kansas, Toto. A lonesome highway bisects boundless boondocks of farmland leading to a solitary structure: a soil shellacked chrome streamline with a rusted tin statue of a cat dressed as a waitress posed jauntily out front. Inside the diner is a cacophony of clanking cutlery, as a quartet of chattering customers cluster at the counter around the solitary employee: a frizzy blonde waitress in cat-eye glasses cooking and serving the seated salt of the earth patrons in synch with the calypso sounds of the Rock-Ola Jukebox.
SIZZLE! “Orders up! Chicken cacciatore for Mr. Wilson, fried catfish for Mr. Lowery, espinacs a la Catalana for Mr. West, and karantika for Mr. Conroy! Ooh, calienté!” The waitress curtsies to the applause of her passionate patrons as she refills their coffees.
The door chimes. DING! “Selina…”
“Can’t Seem To Make You Mine” by The Ramones
CHA-CHING! A coin is dropped in the jukebox and a rock’n’roll ballad begins to play. Selina Kyle (played by Michelle Pfeiffer) looks over Bruce Wayne who hobbles into the diner with a cane. She takes off her glasses. “What took you so long?”
Bruce shrugs nonchalantly, “Traffic.” He slaps a stack of bills on the counter. “I got lunch, fellas. Take it al fresco.” The diners take their plates and file outside as Selina stuffs the wad of cash down the front of her blouse. “I’m guessing you got one of these too.” Bruce produces a green envelope with a foreboding black question mark, opens, and reads, as Kyle pushes a similar parcel further into her apron. “When is it bad luck to see a black cat? When you are a rat… with wings.”
KA-POW! Fade to black. Roll credits.
If that doesn't make you want to Batdance with a Big Mac I don’t know what will!
