EBIRAH, HORROR OF THE DEEP (1966)
Tokusatsu In Paradise
I bestride the bustling streets of Little Kaijutown in my finest white suit and a gainsboro gray jacket hanging torpidly across my shoulders. As I saunter over to one of Little Kaijutown’s established streamers they acknowledge me with respect and reverence. “Don Vito,” says Netflix, “I have picked a special kaiju film, just for you.” Netflix streams GODZILLA: MINUS ONE.
“Mmm,” I affirm satisfactorily between scenes of tiptop textbook traditionalist Toho Co. tokusatsu! “Grazie.” My appetite peaked but not yet satiated, I continued down the thoroughfare until I’m approached by another downtrodden but noble proprietor of this niche subgenre.
“Don Vito,” pleads HBO Max penitently, “my movie, he has trouble with the uh-”
“Eh, eh, eh, ehI” I interrupt with a few reassuring waves of my hand and proceed to stream EBIRAH, HORROR OF THE DEEP for the umpteenth time. Pleased with their offering I utter “Molto bene” and offer HBO Max a small blessing demonstrating vindication for the much maligned monster motion picture. “That's-a nice-a kaiju!"
That’s right, gang. The self-professed kaiju aficionado is a self-professed fan of this redheaded stepkaiju of Shōwa era tokusatsu, disowned by the director and devotees of the art form alike! Find yourselves a new hero, kids. I'm all washed up… or read on, true believers, and see if I can redeem myself in your eyes!
But first a little insider baseball for context. Basically, fans complaining that Godzilla isn’t his usual city-squashing self aren’t totally off base in that assessment. King Kong was originally written as our fifty meter monstrous main character in a maritime emprise originally entitled OPERATION ROBINSON CRUSOE: KING KONG VS. EBIRAH. When the owners of the King Kong intellectual property, Rankin/Bass Productions, couldn’t come to terms on the story, Toho swapped out Kong for Godzilla but kept the plot largely the same. Ergo, we get a sleepier, softer King Of The Monsters typified by an epic impromptu boulder beach volleyball sequence with Ebirah. Maverick and Iceman, eat your hearts out.
Naysayers (in addition to saying “nay”) have drawn comparisons to Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, a Nintendo platformer that was repackaged as Super Mario Bros. 2, but if you’re not down with picking turnips and tossing them at Shy Guys then I’ve got two words for you: game over. I actually think the analogy is fairly apt even if we don’t include the bossfight with Clawgrip. Despite a substantial reskinning and recasting, the media in question still very much works and I defy you to present something that couldn’t be improved by adding Mario or Godzilla!
For as many people who bemoan the shoehorning of good old Goji into the picture, there’s also a contingent that feel we don’t get enough of the God Of Destruction. Oddly, this entry features the most Godzilla screentime of all eight ‘60s Toho offerings despite not appearing in the original script or the English language titling of the film. It just might not feel that way because Monster Zero-One spends so much time snoozing. In my headcannon, The King Of The Monsters heard of another guy calling himself “The King” and doing a bunch of hipswinging island hootenanny movies, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and said “Hold my Sapporo.” [cue “Back To Paradise” by .38 Special]
Another frequent fault foisted by defamers of the film is in regards to the human element of the story. Detractors deride the pace and proficiency of the set up but I’d aver this should be applauded for the adeptness in which action is assembled. In the first fifteen minutes we’re introduced to our four focal figures, see a swinging surf rock dance competition, commit cabin cruiser commandeering, and clock a cloudburst coupled colossal crustacean caused castaway. Sure, it’s a bit frenetic but our protagonists are proactively chasing the action rather than watching the Nippon shores waiting for Godzilla to bring the ruckus to them like we’ve seen so many times before in the Toho cinematic monsterverse.
For my nickel, the groundview goes along energetically with characters that you want to cheer on: Nita and Ichino with their loyal friendship, Ryôta Kane in his relentless pursuit of his missing brother, Daiyo's devotion to awakening Mothra and freeing the enslaved native people of Infant Island, and cool as heck catburglar Yoshimura clad in his canary yellow cardigan! They each serve to motivate the narrative as they meet mammoth monsters and run afoul of the rancorous Red Bamboo paramilitary organization that serve as the calamitous catalyst to connect the separate story arcs.
Then, of course, there’s the panning pontifications on Ebirah himself. Is he a colossal crab or larger than life lobster? Well in Japanese, “ebi” means “shrimp” or “prawn” so as paradoxical as it may seem Ebirah is the most gargantuan of giant shrimps. Sure, Godzilla punks him out pretty handedly [spoiler alert, but the film is over a half century old] but this is the King Of The Goddamn Monsters we’re talking about with a multi-billion-dollar business built around him. Who’d you think was gonna win? Well, there’s no shame in being beaten by the best. Plus, Ebirah holds his own better than Ōkondoru, the giant condor kaiju cobbled together from Rodan parts. Ōkondoru’s parents clearly never taught them to let sleeping Gojira-kun lie.
In summation, it is my belief that Godzilla is exclusively responsible for global warming for the sole purpose of slow boiling Ebirah in the south seas and hosting the world’s largest seafood boil to commemorate the DESTROY ALL MONSTERS 60th anniversary. Wait… ignore that last part. I'm not some kind of crackpot kaiju climate change denier! EBIRAH, HORROR OF THE DEEP is a big bad beach party with a unique bent on the tried-and-true Toho tokusatsu template essential for ample aquatic atomic atrocity aficionados. If I had my druthers this would have kickstarted a Godzilla fronted surf rock band using the magnificent music of movie maestro Masaru Satô to take it to Elvis one-on-one...but alas we must leave that ultimate confrontation to fantasy in these final words.
