MOTHER TRUCKIN’ MAY: The Trucks of Mad Max
I write to a place that should not be. Axelmonger’s my name. Gas Town’s where I hail. Learned to read and write from one of the History Men. Saved him from a Buzzard. Hoped for some Aqua Cola. Told me knowledge was more powerful.
Wanted to share his. Power’s the only everlastin’ in the Wasteland, so I sat. And learned. About life before the Fall, and all things tumblin’ after. About the Road Warrior. About iron carriages that picked-up and towed and hauled. About trucks.
Before the Fall, the Wasteland was roamed with pickups and tow’ers. Utes likes the Holden EK and EJ, and the Ford XW Falcon*. Bare like babes, but then wasn’t a time of war. Cyke gangs drifted from town to town, pillagin’ and rapin’, but that was the worst of it. They didn’t know pain like I do. Toecutter and his Zed Runners gave it their college, though. Their murderin’ made Max Mad, so they did somethin’ right. For irony’s sake, Max didn’t off Toecutter. He was smashed by a Kenworth K-124.
I call it “The Executioner”.
After the Fall, Elseworlder, humanity shed its fat and decency. The Oil Wars, Water Wars, and all things thermonuclear were hungry for both. When the three were sated, we were left with the Wasteland in all its crooked splendor. The roads became a white-line nightmare. Thanks to brutal gangs on wheels. Outfitted for war. Outfitted for deception. Like Lord Humungus. He rode a truck into battle that started off as a Ford F100. Then it was transmuted into a six-wheeled death coaster.
The Road Warrior crossed treads with him and his Marauders. What passed for an oil refinery before Gas Town was under siege by Humungus. For five gallons of diesel and some high-octane guzzolene, Max got the terrorized something to get away. It began as a Mack R-600 Coolpower. Stuck a cowcatcher on it, then a fuel trailer with enough plating, spikes, and barbie for only the craziest to climb.
The Marauders were craziest, but they were also deceived. All of them. Even Max. They were chasing dirt while the terrorized traveled far beyond the reach of men on machines.
Years later, Bartertown got a touch of Madness. This far after the Fall, wheels were more kitbashed than assembly-lined. Max found his way to Aunty Entity because his stolen Camel Wagon got dropped off in her backyard. The chassis was either a Ford F-100 or F-150. The cab was a Ford 500 ZG. The treads were of an agricultural sort.
He didn’t get his ride back. He took Bartertown’s generator instead. The place ran on burnt pigshit, y’see. The fumes made methane. Methane pumped through the gennie, then electrified Bartertown. The gennie was a Mack B-77 on rails. Master Blaster swapped rubber for iron.
Max led Aunty on a merry chase with it down the dusty track.
I saw the first War Rig when Dementus invaded Gas Town. What passed for a War Rig. It was a pathetic, Mack sort of thing.
Immortan Joe could’ve done better. And he did. The new War Rig began as a Kenworth W900. He wanted to make a statement, at the start of wonderment. Bigger. Faster. Stronger. Further. Shiny and chrome, and could ride to the stars. A skinned tanker was made into a fable of the Immortan’s power. Sand molds sculpted for cast iron to take shape in. The slabs of glory were stuck to the tanker. It also had a Bommy Knocker** pluggin’ its end, smitin’ foes with chains and balls and teeth who dared try a climb.
Praetorians Jack and Furiosa drove it, more her than him, ‘til that Bullet Farm business. Arrogance got to Dementus, and he chucked his Chariot for a Six Foot. It was a military-grade, Mack DM800 before it got its chassis stretched. And an axle added, by yours truly. And a big-block Chevy engine dropped in. And six monster truck wheels bolted.
Such aggression wasn’t enough to fight Dementus’ fall from grace. Furiosa, Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, buried what was left of him.
Finally, Madness came for the Citadel. By then, Imperator Furiosa had her fill of Immortan Joe. Preppin’ a supply run, she hid his Five Wives in her 2,000 horsepower, nitro-boosted war machine. A Tatra T815 before it was kitbashed into her War Rig. A Chevy Fleetmaster Sedan made it hospitable. And guns. Lots of guns. A skulled cowcatcher and Holley superchargers on the nose. The bladed, spiked tanker*** had a VW Beetle turret.
Buzzards discovered her Fury Road to the Green Place with Many Mothers. Their Excavator, a MAN KAT 6x6 with a CMP Blitz C15A No. 13 cab, did its best and was smote.
Immortan Joe didn’t endure unhunted. With his War Boy armada, he gave chase in his Gigahorse. Stacked Coupe de Villes with two Chevy 502Cid Big Block V8 crate motors, 8/71 superchargers, and tractor treads.
His son, Rictus Erectus, rode with BigFoot. A Dodge Fargo slapped onto a monster truck chassis. Its heart, a 572 Chevy block engine with a Turbo 400 transmission. Its treads, big as any man.
Yet they weren’t enough to express the Immortan’s rage. Sky blood beckoned Gas Town and Bullet Farm. My People Eater came with his limousine. It was born an American M814 military cargo truck. Stacked with a Mercedes-Benz W123 limo. Trailed by two guzzolene tankers to refine and refuel.
All were led into battle by the Doof Wagon. A MAN LKW 15 t mil gl KAT I A1 pumped with a Deutz 8-cylinder. Legions of speakers snug in building air ducts.
All wrecked by Max, Furiosa, the Four Wives, and the Vuvalini. The Citadel became a fresh Green Place with Many Mothers.
*Johnny the Boy was… footcuffed to this, and someone sawing their foot off to survive was the spark that led James Wan and Leigh Whannel to SAW.
** Inspired by Sydney’s mining equipment tunneling under the harbor.
*** What was inside:
